The New Year!!

I never cease to be amazed by our God and my inadequacy to serve him... Let me start off by telling you about my amazing trip funded by the Lord. We thoroughly enjoyed North Carolina and visiting with friends.. but Jody, my forever friend, wanted to see Charleston, South Carolina while we were so close. I was along for the ride and ready to roll wherever. Our friend Todd didn't want to go and we were very frustrated at him for being a party pooper, but realize now that God wanted to bless us. We got to Charleston at 2:45 pm thinking we would have plenty of time to catch the ferry out to Fort Sumptner, you know the shot heard round the world place... the last ferry left at 2:30. Jody was really bummed and I was a bit afraid of what would happen next. I suggested we go to the plantations and give them a whirl while we had some time, knowing that everything closes at 5:00 pm to tourists. On the way to the plantations, we saw a sign for Charles Towne Landing which is the spot the first settlers of Charleston arrived and set up fort. We decided since it was close we would give it a shot. It was really cool in that it had gardens, animal exhibits, and a walking tour. We decided to do the Audio walking tour and when we told the lady we were paying, she told us we were 15 minutes too late. Now I was really frustrated and Jody began to cry a little.. I could see the fear in her eyes that our trip was all in vain and that we shouldn't have come.. I knew God was bigger than that! We caught a trolley to the back of the park and toured the ship at the waters edge. The ship's re-enactor was a young guy named CJ who was very knowledgeable about Charlestown with a passion for story telling. Jody and I left him alone when other visitors boarded the ship.. As we were walking away, I got the idea to ask CJ to be our personal tour guide and save our trip. Jody thought I was crazy, but I boldly asked him how much it would cost us and he told us he couldn't accept money, but would give us a tour anyway. We excitedly met him after work and followed him to what we quickly recognized as the Old Exchange Building from our brochures.. He told us he had worked there in the past and that the curator was a close friend. We toured the awesome old building imagining the people that had walked through the same doors, such as George Washington. CJ was an amazing tour guide and knew every answer to every question we could muster.. We got a personal tour of this piece of history absolutley free. Then we followed CJ next door to the Tavern. It is the oldest tavern standing in the US and if walls could only talk, but the owner knew a good bit about the secrets it held. The stories about it being a barber shop during prohibition with a secret room struck interest in me. As we got ready to leave, she offered us a free $60.00 bottle of wine. Cool, I enjoy wine occasionally, and it was a dessert wine that would go well with vanilla ice cream. We were excited and realized that we were living under God's blessing. CJ told us stories of Black Beard and Captain Bellow and the wall that surrounded the city at that time. We walked the entire old city wall and enjoyed bits of history throughout the tour. We toured with him for 3 hours and wound up at a Pirate restaurant where we dined. The waiter gave us the appetizers free which was about a $20 value.. They were delicious, She Crab Soup was the best. Jody even tried it. When we finished our tour, CJ looked through our hotel coupons and suggested a hotel in an area he knew. Our coupon was for $39.00 and the hotel lady noted that it was only for 1 occupant. I laughed and said, "it's 10 o'clock and we will be out of here by 6:30 am, you should cut us a deal." She said okay, and gave us the room for $25.00.. WOW. Jody and I laughed about God's favor that day. We got up early the next morning and took pictures of all the places CJ had taken us the night before. We were on the road headed to the plantations at 7:30 am when we saw a sign for Fort Moultry. CJ had told us about the fort and that it was just as interesting as Sumter so we decided to take a detour and check it out. Knowing how early it was, we figured we could drive by and get pictures. When we got there the gate that said Open 9-5 was wide open. We drove on in and got out and decided to walk over to the fort. When we walked over to it, it was unlocked and standing wide open. We walked through the military fort and enjoyed the self guided tour information. We were through about 8:30 and decided to walk into the visitor's center hoping to pay someone for our visit. It was wide open, with no one in sight. We walked through the African-American Slave Trade Exhibit and then Jody went to find someone to pay. Nobody wanted our money she determined after standing at the register a while. We left and laughed at God's topping to our trip. The plantation was awesome and our visit was priceless, but it is truly a treasure to know that God loves us so much as to pour out a blessing so large that we cannot contain it. One of the most amazing sites we saw was the North Carolina Biltmore Estate. That 250 plus home took 2.5 hours to tour. It was breathtakingly beautiful and a historical marvel. All in all, the trip to NC was a breath of fresh air. I am so thankful for rekindling friendships that I have always held dear, for God's constant blessing in my life, and most of all for my family who allowed me to enjoy this time for myself.

What to write...

WOW. I stand amazed at His faithfulness to me. My friend has been praying for me that God will give me good gifts on purpose. Hard to imagine a God that would do that, but He wants us to see Him that way. How do I know, cause He's constantly proving Himself. I feel like He's courting me or something...weird, but awesome. I feel God showing off his strong arm on my behalf. Let me give you an example... Several months ago I spoke with a friend who I have known literally since I was 5. She told me about her talking to another friend that we share asking her to come up and visit him in North Carolina. She had excepted his offer to come and stay with his folks there the week after Christmas. I told her, I was jealous and that I wanted to come too. We laughed at the idea, and I told her we would pray about it and maybe God would work it out. First of all, it's Christmas so all of my extra money, by God's grace I'll have some left after bills, will go towards my kids Christmas. Second of all, it's a long shot for me to even pray about something like that cause it just feels so selfish. I rarely pray and ask God for something for myself, we are taught that we shouldn't be so greedy from an early age. BUNK God wants to give us good gifts, and he wants us to know they are from Him. I have heard in my spirit lots of times lately, make a Christmas list so I can show you how faithful I am. I have yet to do it, but even acknowledging it is a big step for me. Anyway...so my friend tells my other friend I am interested in coming and he calls excited at the prospect of both of us coming to visit. He's always been like a brother to me and his parents adopted me as their only daughter when we were in school. Soo... I have had enough money a few times to buy a ticket since then, but literally skipped the opportunity feeling so selfish to spend money that I could be using on my kids. I told Jody & Todd that I would go if God sent me someone to pay for it and tell me that was what the money was for. I really had let it go, and thought it was a slim chance, but would stir up hope when I talked to one of them. So, totally out of the blue a good friend calls and says she wants to pay for me to go. She said I deserve a break and that she wanted to bless me with this gift!! I am going to North Carolina on an airplane for a week after Christmas. I am soo excited. It's really hard to even imagine that I'll have a week with no worries, just fun. A VACATION for ME in another state. I am beside myself with anticipation of how God is going to use this in my life. Merry Christmas to me, From God. I hope you realize that I am in no way capable of making something like this happen on my own. I am making $1400 a month and have yet to run out of money. Ignore me when I say I am fearful about Christmas gifts for my kids. Remind me that My GOD IS SUPPLYING ALL OF MY NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY!!

Out of the water...

So... the horse was already given away when I mustered up enough faith to call and secure it. I was disappointed and relieved all at once! I am disheartened at the thought of how excited my Jesse would have been with a horse of his own. I am really missing him these days!
He has been with his dad way too much and I feel so lonesome for his sweet freckled face. This part really stinks. I am trusting God to work it all out. It is because of all the dishoveled holiday plans that I am feeling like he's not been around. I will not give up on my relationship with my son, and know that God will prevail in his life, which is most important! I keep reminding myself that he is the Lord's child first, and then mine. The mama bear in me wants to throw Ron under the bus and totally expose all of the crap he's done to hurt my baby to the court and have all of my kids all to myself. Unfortunately, then I have to deal with my hurt little boy who wants his daddy right not. I am a safe place for him to run to when he needs me. Has anyone figured out why God hates divorce? This would be it... the seperation of family members is not fun. I am really hurting over this and would appreciate your prayers.
On a lighter note, I get to go to North Carolina for the week after Christmas. I told the Lord I wanted to go with my friend who is going to visit another friend, but that He would have to put it on someone's heart to pay my way cause I don't want to take away from my kids Christmas. A dear friend of mine called me last week and said she wanted to buy my ticket!! She said I deserved a break after all these years. Can you imagine? I am so excited I can hardly wiggle, but feel sooooo guilty for leaving my kids behind with their dad. I am having a hard time figuring out how to be a person and not just a wife and mother. Isn't it profound that God wants me to be a person first? Everything I have ever believed is that I am the other first. He wants all of ME...the real me... Leslie Kristen Kyle to come back to life. I am chosing life and I am choosing to go and have a blast, and I am choosing to celebrate my Savior as Leslie Kristen Kyle- His child, His friend, and His servant.

What to do, what to do...

As a result of me not being poverty minded and not fearing and giving the best things to my kids...I hate it when my own words come back and I have to either walk in the truth of them or be considered a liar! (see the last post if you're wondering what I am referring to) Months ago, I had asked the Lord to give Jesse a horse. Now...Jesse has always wanted a horse and has always loved the idea of being a roper.. He's really good with a rope on the ground and despite mine and Ron's pleas to teach him to not want to rope through the years, he has never given up on that dream of his. He gets that from me.. Holding onto dreams, that is.. Anyway, so... a lady that is in our 4-H group just came up and offered me a 4 year old Mustang horse. It's broken, has the US Mustang tatoo, and is FREE. Now I am thinking, are you kidding me Lord, do you want my boy to have a horse, really? It was just a fleeting thought, not a real investment Lord. I didn't mean it when I prayed, I was just asking.. My next question is Lord, if I get kicked out of my house for lack of funding, where is the horse gonna go? Me of little faith, I can feel God laughing right now. I am so double minded... I am glad the Lord has a sense of humor and deals lightly with me.

Listen, God is faithful. He is so faithful! I have been getting filled up since December of last year by a church in Huntsville called Family Faith Church. Dr. Tim Storey, who is a life coach to the stars in Hollywood, has been coming and filling my heart with truth and life. He has helped reestablish who I am in the Spirit and through the Holy Spirit, has been healing a part of me that I had given up on. My children have been one of my upmost concerns as they are going through this divorce with me. It has not been all glorious. Ron is still very controlling and tries to manipulate situations to his advantage. Suprise, suprise. It has been very difficult to know what to do with Jesse. Jesse's heart is for his daddy to love him unconditionally. He listens to all of Ron's stuff and soaks it into his soul to try and fix, to try and control himself. It is very disheartening and fearful. I am taking a stand in the spirit for Jesse's whole heart. I cannot be defeated when it comes to my children. God wants them fully whole and I have to know that the Jesus I am putting in them is enough to overcome the negetive attitudes that their dad lives with. It has been a battle. God is the victor!!!

Last night during Tim Storey, Jesse raised his hands to worship the Lord! Now this is the second time...ever in his lifetime that I have seen him broken before the Lord. Tim asked that we put our hands on our neighbors shoulders to pray for each other and Jesse prayed for me and the man next to him prayed for him. I spotted the tear that rolled down his face...I wanted to capture that tear. To put it in a special place to use it to wash over his hurt with life. But I know my God, and that He has done just that!! This little victory is enough to keep me flying high for a while.

This morning as I was praying for Jesse I realized that his self esteem is very low. He doesn't see how beautiful and smart, and athletic, and awesome he is. I am praying that God will show him. He has favor, as do all of my children, but he is not in a place where he sees it. Please pray for him. I feel like the shepard who has abandoned his other sheep to go after the lost one. We have Jesse in our hook though and are making him lie in green pastures and drink from cool waters to restore his soul.

On a fun note... as a result of my speaking at Gene and Sharon's church, they took up a magnificent offering for me. That was very humbling but I have been praying about what to do with the money. $500 went towards my house and car insurance which had lapsed... Now we have the world's required insurance again. With the remainder, I was able to buy Rebecca a calculator that she has been needing for 2 years, and a skirt and heels for FFA and Jesse a pair of Nike basketball shoes that he needs. I am also going to give Becca $40 for a softball helmet that her coach wants her to buy. The rest will probably pay a bill and help with our travels to watch Eliza play softball this weekend. Please don't ever let it be said or thought of me again that I am not taking care of my kids needs and desires. They really don't want much, just basics in life, and out of fear I have not provided all of those in the past. While they have dealt with it through the years, it has hurt my kids and made them think the Our Father is poverty minded.... HE IS NOT A POVERTY MINDED GOD. I will live in His Riches and believe for his best and know that our Father gives good gifts to his children! Help me with this Lord. Help me bless my kids.
I need more faith Lord, you said if I would ask, you would give more faith... I'm asking.

I did it!

Several weeks ago a dear friend of mine had a dream about me. I called my pastor friends to share the dream she had and after much discussion we agreed that the Lord might be calling me to share my testimony publically. I prayed about it and called my friends back and told them I wanted to come share with their church. Graciously and enthusiastically they asked me to do just that. So for the last 2 weeks I have been praying nervously asking God for what I am supposed to say. I thought it would be wise to write down notes so I didn't lose my point, and I had a lot of people praying for me. I have wanted to share and speak for a long, long time but have never really felt worthy. I haven't been through enough or overcome enough to be interesting to listen to.. I am not smart enough to speak eliquently or full of the Lord enough to be used. I am not good enough!! that is what I have always heard. The dream didn't leave much room for my excuses, but instead showed that it is time for me to start sharing my testimony.. Soo... I did. I got up and bawled all the way through it which was really weird because I didn't feel sad or anything...it was definately a different feeling.
I didn't really even realize I was crying, but my daughter says I was and I remember getting a kleenex at one point to wipe my eyes.. huh.?.? After I finished testifying, the pastor asked if anyone wanted me to pray for them... That was kind of funny because, I was hoping they'd pray for me. Several stood up and asked for prayer from me... WOW.

I am very humbled and know that God is up to something exciting. I loved speaking and had a great time yesterday sharing what God is doing in me. To top it all off, after I finished speaking, my daughter, Rebecca, stood up and shared a dream that she had had the night before. In the dream she and I were driving my truck together, switching off, and we had a bunch of folks in our truck. Along the road there were lots of cars crashing all around us, sometimes in front of us, and sometimes beside us, but we just kept going never crashing. Becca said that she at one point that they didn't need to fear because God was not gonna let us crash!! Her having God's boldness to get up and share her dream made my day! I think that dream promises that she and I will be ministering together and that God is going to get us to where we are headed despite all of the obstacles.

Hallelujah!!

Change is in the air...

Can you smell it? Don't you hear the Lord calling you to CHANGE? Maybe it's just a little insignificant change for your life. Maybe it's getting up earlier cause Joy comes in the morning. The Lord is calling me to change. He's changing me and I am hesitant to conform. I like myself right? What can I do better, what can I change to give me that leading edge in life? The Lord says...TRUST ME. Walk by faith. Trust me...walk by faith...TRUST ME, WALK by faith!!! I have always been looked on by others as a faith walker...someone who hoards over the word of God and believes it to be true. I am that. I do believe the word to be true for you, easily. For others, without question, but for myself and my family...I had given up. Not completely, I still have held onto my vision..by dream of running a barnyard birthday party business with a big barn on my 4 acres... but lots of other things, I quit believing for.

Faith never quits working. If you once had a glimmer of faith about something, it is still in action until that thing comes to pass. The more faith you have the less obstacles your object has to overcome to be victorious. I don't know where I am going with that.. but I think it's good truth.

My faith has centered around thing the Lord will eventually lead me into. Ministering at some level has always been my ultimate goal. I have masked it by wanting to build a barn for my business, but in times past a barn was where I was ministered to most. I have always wanted to have a place where a lot of people could gather and feel comfortable. I see myself serving people and giving the Lord a place to move. Interestingly enough Ron never got on board with my vision. He just saw the work it would be to build the barn and not the blessing it would be to serve people. My vision for ministering is still kindling. One of my friends said the Lord told her I was like a Mother Hen...I continue to brood over the vision for myself and others until they hatch.. Cluck, cluck.

I am extremely excited about this coming weekend. Gene & Sharon Jones, dear friends of mine for years now, pastor in Cleburne at a small spirit led church. I was telling the Jone's all the things the Lord is doing in my life through the divorce, and they asked me to come testify about it. WOW...I have never truly testified in front of a lot people. I have to admit I am a bit nervous. I am trusting the Lord to open my mouth and insert the right words. My heart is to honor Him.

I am still waiting on answers about my future job.. I have interview at both the Trans Ova and Center Ranch facility. The American Cancer Society regretfully declined the opportunity to meet with me..:( God only knows what he has planned for me and which doors He will open, if any. I love my job here, so leaving for me is sad. I lift my eyes to the hills from where does my help come? My help it comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.

If you've taken the time to read this post, I praise God that it was interesting enough to read... Bless you and your family. Believe that God has great things for you, He's looking for someone like you to recieve His blessing.