Leaving the kids out of it...

I think that the idea of leaving the kids out of the mess is a noble thought. However, it is nearly impossible to not have issues where the kids are out of the loop.. My issue all along with Ron has been his anger. He has been angry for years and yelling and growling and grumbling has overcome his personality. He loves his kids and has always loved being a part of their life. It is very hard on him for the kids to be with me during the week and with him on the weekends. I understand missing them, because I miss them when they are with him. I allow him to pick them up afterschool and spend that hour and a half with them until I get off. This time has been especially good for Eliza because she gets him mostly to herself. My oldest, Rebecca has a lot of hurt with Ron and at this point is passively refusing to go stay with him. She's trying to do it sweetly, but the truth is she just doesn't want to spend time with him. She recently came up with an excuse and when she said it, I knew she has a long way to healing. The younger two, especially Jesse, feel sorry for Ron being alone and they want to be there to comfort him. I have encouraged Rebecca to stay with her dad because I know that her forgiving him will be the key to her own freedom. Ron is so broken at this point, he's become the ideal parent and father to his kids. Part of that is his realization of what he's losing and the other part is his manipulation to keep them coming. I don't care what it's called. If he's being good to his kids then I want them to see him. I know kids need a father figure. Ron knows right from wrong and will hopefully begin to steer the kids the right way. Our separation has definatly caused him to step up to the plate. Last night my heart was broken when it was time for me to get the kids and Jesse called me. Jesse wanted to know if he could spend one more night with his dad. I told him I would prefer that he come home. A bit later, Ron called and said that he didn't see why it wasn't okay for Jesse to spend more time with his dad. I was quickly angered at this, because I don't want it to be a fight. I told him whatever, he was going to make everything difficult so he would get his way. He told me I was being controlling...which is true. When I went to pick up Eliza, Jesse came to the car and said he wanted to stay with dad so he could watch a movie and could I come back and get him later. I asked when and he said the movie was over at 10:00pm. A tear ran down my face as I realized that I was defeated by a stinking movie and cable TV. I told him he could just stay...I would get him in the morning. He decided not to, unfortunately because of the pain in my eyes but we had a wonderful night together as a family. It's hard though. What is right and what is wrong? Ron in one minute was crying on the phone to me and in the next second was angry and no longer crying? How do you turn that off and on so easily? It's so easy to be tossed and turned by my feelings. I have to count on the Lord to gauge the truth. They are his kids and he has as much right to them as I. I don't want them to not know him, but I want them to know the truth about him and the anger he bears. I am hoping for freedom through seeing the bad results in their father's decisions. I pray my kids make it through this with grace, peace, and every sustinance of God. I pray they choose life in every area including marriage and relationships. I pray they change others lives through the crap they have had to live. I pray it will all be for God's glory.