What to write...

WOW. I stand amazed at His faithfulness to me. My friend has been praying for me that God will give me good gifts on purpose. Hard to imagine a God that would do that, but He wants us to see Him that way. How do I know, cause He's constantly proving Himself. I feel like He's courting me or something...weird, but awesome. I feel God showing off his strong arm on my behalf. Let me give you an example... Several months ago I spoke with a friend who I have known literally since I was 5. She told me about her talking to another friend that we share asking her to come up and visit him in North Carolina. She had excepted his offer to come and stay with his folks there the week after Christmas. I told her, I was jealous and that I wanted to come too. We laughed at the idea, and I told her we would pray about it and maybe God would work it out. First of all, it's Christmas so all of my extra money, by God's grace I'll have some left after bills, will go towards my kids Christmas. Second of all, it's a long shot for me to even pray about something like that cause it just feels so selfish. I rarely pray and ask God for something for myself, we are taught that we shouldn't be so greedy from an early age. BUNK God wants to give us good gifts, and he wants us to know they are from Him. I have heard in my spirit lots of times lately, make a Christmas list so I can show you how faithful I am. I have yet to do it, but even acknowledging it is a big step for me. Anyway...so my friend tells my other friend I am interested in coming and he calls excited at the prospect of both of us coming to visit. He's always been like a brother to me and his parents adopted me as their only daughter when we were in school. Soo... I have had enough money a few times to buy a ticket since then, but literally skipped the opportunity feeling so selfish to spend money that I could be using on my kids. I told Jody & Todd that I would go if God sent me someone to pay for it and tell me that was what the money was for. I really had let it go, and thought it was a slim chance, but would stir up hope when I talked to one of them. So, totally out of the blue a good friend calls and says she wants to pay for me to go. She said I deserve a break and that she wanted to bless me with this gift!! I am going to North Carolina on an airplane for a week after Christmas. I am soo excited. It's really hard to even imagine that I'll have a week with no worries, just fun. A VACATION for ME in another state. I am beside myself with anticipation of how God is going to use this in my life. Merry Christmas to me, From God. I hope you realize that I am in no way capable of making something like this happen on my own. I am making $1400 a month and have yet to run out of money. Ignore me when I say I am fearful about Christmas gifts for my kids. Remind me that My GOD IS SUPPLYING ALL OF MY NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY!!

Out of the water...

So... the horse was already given away when I mustered up enough faith to call and secure it. I was disappointed and relieved all at once! I am disheartened at the thought of how excited my Jesse would have been with a horse of his own. I am really missing him these days!
He has been with his dad way too much and I feel so lonesome for his sweet freckled face. This part really stinks. I am trusting God to work it all out. It is because of all the dishoveled holiday plans that I am feeling like he's not been around. I will not give up on my relationship with my son, and know that God will prevail in his life, which is most important! I keep reminding myself that he is the Lord's child first, and then mine. The mama bear in me wants to throw Ron under the bus and totally expose all of the crap he's done to hurt my baby to the court and have all of my kids all to myself. Unfortunately, then I have to deal with my hurt little boy who wants his daddy right not. I am a safe place for him to run to when he needs me. Has anyone figured out why God hates divorce? This would be it... the seperation of family members is not fun. I am really hurting over this and would appreciate your prayers.
On a lighter note, I get to go to North Carolina for the week after Christmas. I told the Lord I wanted to go with my friend who is going to visit another friend, but that He would have to put it on someone's heart to pay my way cause I don't want to take away from my kids Christmas. A dear friend of mine called me last week and said she wanted to buy my ticket!! She said I deserved a break after all these years. Can you imagine? I am so excited I can hardly wiggle, but feel sooooo guilty for leaving my kids behind with their dad. I am having a hard time figuring out how to be a person and not just a wife and mother. Isn't it profound that God wants me to be a person first? Everything I have ever believed is that I am the other first. He wants all of ME...the real me... Leslie Kristen Kyle to come back to life. I am chosing life and I am choosing to go and have a blast, and I am choosing to celebrate my Savior as Leslie Kristen Kyle- His child, His friend, and His servant.