What to do, what to do...

As a result of me not being poverty minded and not fearing and giving the best things to my kids...I hate it when my own words come back and I have to either walk in the truth of them or be considered a liar! (see the last post if you're wondering what I am referring to) Months ago, I had asked the Lord to give Jesse a horse. Now...Jesse has always wanted a horse and has always loved the idea of being a roper.. He's really good with a rope on the ground and despite mine and Ron's pleas to teach him to not want to rope through the years, he has never given up on that dream of his. He gets that from me.. Holding onto dreams, that is.. Anyway, so... a lady that is in our 4-H group just came up and offered me a 4 year old Mustang horse. It's broken, has the US Mustang tatoo, and is FREE. Now I am thinking, are you kidding me Lord, do you want my boy to have a horse, really? It was just a fleeting thought, not a real investment Lord. I didn't mean it when I prayed, I was just asking.. My next question is Lord, if I get kicked out of my house for lack of funding, where is the horse gonna go? Me of little faith, I can feel God laughing right now. I am so double minded... I am glad the Lord has a sense of humor and deals lightly with me.

Listen, God is faithful. He is so faithful! I have been getting filled up since December of last year by a church in Huntsville called Family Faith Church. Dr. Tim Storey, who is a life coach to the stars in Hollywood, has been coming and filling my heart with truth and life. He has helped reestablish who I am in the Spirit and through the Holy Spirit, has been healing a part of me that I had given up on. My children have been one of my upmost concerns as they are going through this divorce with me. It has not been all glorious. Ron is still very controlling and tries to manipulate situations to his advantage. Suprise, suprise. It has been very difficult to know what to do with Jesse. Jesse's heart is for his daddy to love him unconditionally. He listens to all of Ron's stuff and soaks it into his soul to try and fix, to try and control himself. It is very disheartening and fearful. I am taking a stand in the spirit for Jesse's whole heart. I cannot be defeated when it comes to my children. God wants them fully whole and I have to know that the Jesus I am putting in them is enough to overcome the negetive attitudes that their dad lives with. It has been a battle. God is the victor!!!

Last night during Tim Storey, Jesse raised his hands to worship the Lord! Now this is the second time...ever in his lifetime that I have seen him broken before the Lord. Tim asked that we put our hands on our neighbors shoulders to pray for each other and Jesse prayed for me and the man next to him prayed for him. I spotted the tear that rolled down his face...I wanted to capture that tear. To put it in a special place to use it to wash over his hurt with life. But I know my God, and that He has done just that!! This little victory is enough to keep me flying high for a while.

This morning as I was praying for Jesse I realized that his self esteem is very low. He doesn't see how beautiful and smart, and athletic, and awesome he is. I am praying that God will show him. He has favor, as do all of my children, but he is not in a place where he sees it. Please pray for him. I feel like the shepard who has abandoned his other sheep to go after the lost one. We have Jesse in our hook though and are making him lie in green pastures and drink from cool waters to restore his soul.

On a fun note... as a result of my speaking at Gene and Sharon's church, they took up a magnificent offering for me. That was very humbling but I have been praying about what to do with the money. $500 went towards my house and car insurance which had lapsed... Now we have the world's required insurance again. With the remainder, I was able to buy Rebecca a calculator that she has been needing for 2 years, and a skirt and heels for FFA and Jesse a pair of Nike basketball shoes that he needs. I am also going to give Becca $40 for a softball helmet that her coach wants her to buy. The rest will probably pay a bill and help with our travels to watch Eliza play softball this weekend. Please don't ever let it be said or thought of me again that I am not taking care of my kids needs and desires. They really don't want much, just basics in life, and out of fear I have not provided all of those in the past. While they have dealt with it through the years, it has hurt my kids and made them think the Our Father is poverty minded.... HE IS NOT A POVERTY MINDED GOD. I will live in His Riches and believe for his best and know that our Father gives good gifts to his children! Help me with this Lord. Help me bless my kids.
I need more faith Lord, you said if I would ask, you would give more faith... I'm asking.

I did it!

Several weeks ago a dear friend of mine had a dream about me. I called my pastor friends to share the dream she had and after much discussion we agreed that the Lord might be calling me to share my testimony publically. I prayed about it and called my friends back and told them I wanted to come share with their church. Graciously and enthusiastically they asked me to do just that. So for the last 2 weeks I have been praying nervously asking God for what I am supposed to say. I thought it would be wise to write down notes so I didn't lose my point, and I had a lot of people praying for me. I have wanted to share and speak for a long, long time but have never really felt worthy. I haven't been through enough or overcome enough to be interesting to listen to.. I am not smart enough to speak eliquently or full of the Lord enough to be used. I am not good enough!! that is what I have always heard. The dream didn't leave much room for my excuses, but instead showed that it is time for me to start sharing my testimony.. Soo... I did. I got up and bawled all the way through it which was really weird because I didn't feel sad or anything...it was definately a different feeling.
I didn't really even realize I was crying, but my daughter says I was and I remember getting a kleenex at one point to wipe my eyes.. huh.?.? After I finished testifying, the pastor asked if anyone wanted me to pray for them... That was kind of funny because, I was hoping they'd pray for me. Several stood up and asked for prayer from me... WOW.

I am very humbled and know that God is up to something exciting. I loved speaking and had a great time yesterday sharing what God is doing in me. To top it all off, after I finished speaking, my daughter, Rebecca, stood up and shared a dream that she had had the night before. In the dream she and I were driving my truck together, switching off, and we had a bunch of folks in our truck. Along the road there were lots of cars crashing all around us, sometimes in front of us, and sometimes beside us, but we just kept going never crashing. Becca said that she at one point that they didn't need to fear because God was not gonna let us crash!! Her having God's boldness to get up and share her dream made my day! I think that dream promises that she and I will be ministering together and that God is going to get us to where we are headed despite all of the obstacles.

Hallelujah!!

Change is in the air...

Can you smell it? Don't you hear the Lord calling you to CHANGE? Maybe it's just a little insignificant change for your life. Maybe it's getting up earlier cause Joy comes in the morning. The Lord is calling me to change. He's changing me and I am hesitant to conform. I like myself right? What can I do better, what can I change to give me that leading edge in life? The Lord says...TRUST ME. Walk by faith. Trust me...walk by faith...TRUST ME, WALK by faith!!! I have always been looked on by others as a faith walker...someone who hoards over the word of God and believes it to be true. I am that. I do believe the word to be true for you, easily. For others, without question, but for myself and my family...I had given up. Not completely, I still have held onto my vision..by dream of running a barnyard birthday party business with a big barn on my 4 acres... but lots of other things, I quit believing for.

Faith never quits working. If you once had a glimmer of faith about something, it is still in action until that thing comes to pass. The more faith you have the less obstacles your object has to overcome to be victorious. I don't know where I am going with that.. but I think it's good truth.

My faith has centered around thing the Lord will eventually lead me into. Ministering at some level has always been my ultimate goal. I have masked it by wanting to build a barn for my business, but in times past a barn was where I was ministered to most. I have always wanted to have a place where a lot of people could gather and feel comfortable. I see myself serving people and giving the Lord a place to move. Interestingly enough Ron never got on board with my vision. He just saw the work it would be to build the barn and not the blessing it would be to serve people. My vision for ministering is still kindling. One of my friends said the Lord told her I was like a Mother Hen...I continue to brood over the vision for myself and others until they hatch.. Cluck, cluck.

I am extremely excited about this coming weekend. Gene & Sharon Jones, dear friends of mine for years now, pastor in Cleburne at a small spirit led church. I was telling the Jone's all the things the Lord is doing in my life through the divorce, and they asked me to come testify about it. WOW...I have never truly testified in front of a lot people. I have to admit I am a bit nervous. I am trusting the Lord to open my mouth and insert the right words. My heart is to honor Him.

I am still waiting on answers about my future job.. I have interview at both the Trans Ova and Center Ranch facility. The American Cancer Society regretfully declined the opportunity to meet with me..:( God only knows what he has planned for me and which doors He will open, if any. I love my job here, so leaving for me is sad. I lift my eyes to the hills from where does my help come? My help it comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth.

If you've taken the time to read this post, I praise God that it was interesting enough to read... Bless you and your family. Believe that God has great things for you, He's looking for someone like you to recieve His blessing.